mein cowboy

ach du schreibst toll... kann alles total nachempfinden...

ich hoffe das du bald geliebt wirst wie du es verdient hast.... ob nun von deinem cowboy oder jmd anderen...

liebe grüße Ich_0619

dankeschön ihr beiden :schmatz:

Dear B.

You're in my heart.

Always.

All that has happened. Between you and me.

It's safed.

Inside.

It warms me.

It makes everything disappear.

All the fear, all the anger, all the self-reproaches.

I let it go.

Because only two things matter.

My life.

And you.

Yours a.

Dear B.

I want to whisper in your ear...

Don't be afraid.

Don't be afraid of loving me.

Don't worry about me.

My love for you makes me strong.

I'll make you strong.

I'll take care of you.

I'l stay with you forever if you want me to.

It' s your decisison.

Do you want to be afraid or do you want my love ?

I want to whisper in your ear...

Don't be afraid.

Don't be afraid of loving me.

Don't worry about me.

My love for you makes me strong.

I'll make you strong.

I'll take care of you.

I'l stay with you forever if you want me to.

It' s your decisison.

Do you want to be afraid or do you want my love ?

yours a.

ps. After all my only remaining fear is that I'm not sure if you'll wait for me.

Dear B.

I want you to know that every day I'm full of regrets for having left you...

I don't want to wonder anymore about wether you already have married the other woman or not.

If you already have a baby with her or not...

I don't want that to happen ! And I can bear the thought of it...

Because in my head there is this picture of you and me and our two future kids...

I can see us all and it fills my heart with love.

That's what I want and I'll protect this forever !

I'd die for our family...

yours a.

Dear B.

Today I got so jealous again...

But I have to not see it as your fault but mine...

It's your right, totally...

But it's hard...

I don't want to get to know her...

I just want it to be you and me again...

Although I don't know how this should work...

Because of course you love her...

And in the end it wouldn't be fair to her...

I'm the one who left you alone (although you broke up)...

She is ther one who picked you up, gave you her love...

I wish it would be the other way round...

She deserves you. Not me.

yours a.

Dear B.

I'm daydreaming...

Remember the beginning...

the little jokes..

the little things...

Do you remember them ?

I'll think of them today, and I'll smile.

Memories are the windows I see you through.

yours a.

Dear B.

I feel like it’s never going to happen

Even if I came back, it’d be too late

You found someone else

Could I be for you what she is

Could I give you the same

Wouldn’t you compare us all the time, me and her

What if you missed her too much

Even if I was there

Although I wish for it so much

Although it’s all I go on for every day

We’re never going be together

It’s never going to happen

You love her, not me

It makes me cry

But all you have for me is pity, not love

And I don’t want that

I want to be loved as much as I love you

But this is never going to happen

Is it my heart ?

Yours a.

Dear B.

It's not right, it's not fair to you

It's not fair to me either

It never is fair

But I don't want you to be in pain because of me

You shouldn't be between her and me

And I shouldn't be in pain as well

But I am and you are

And to end all this

I have to give up on you

Finally

I want you to be happy

And I'll have to go on like before

Always thinking of you

Of the memories

I'll only keep the good ones and cut the rest

Always knowing that it can't be

You and me

After all the fighing for you

I suppose I have to give up on you

It breaks my heart

But I love you

yours a.

Dear B.








I am the morning who wakes you each day.


I am the night kissing your sorrows away.


I am the air you're breathing in.


I am the song that you're humming.


I am the sky that you look into.


I am the feeling that protects you.


I love you my heart, I love you so much.


I love you although we're apart and can't touch.





I want you to know that wherever you go


Don't worry my darling I'm here, I'm with you.








yours a.

Dear B.

Someone told me I'd have to decide

If I wanted to be happy or sad

I know what makes me happy

And again I feel the urge to call you

It is so strong

But it wouldn't make things better

It would only make it harder

It is not my decision

It is yours

But I've made a decision too

I won't be sad anymore

Because I don't want to be sad

I want to be happy.

And I will be happy.

yours a.

Dear B.

I feel so good and free again after all this pain and hurt.

My heart is mend.

I've changed.

I'm happy again.

No not with someone else but with myself.

I'm not afraid of anything anymore.

I live each day.

And I don't regret anything anymore that has happened.

It was my decision, it was your decision.

We can't change it, and I don't want to change it.

I've finally accapted it as it is.

Now I'm looking forward to the day I'll be back in oZ.

But in the meantime I will live my life.

I'm not waiting anymore.

Because you aren't either.

yours a.

Dear B.

I woke up this morning.

And I felt this big hole in my heart.

Nobody is there to fill it.

This hole inside me.

Where you should be.

You are my heart.

yours a.

Dear B.

What if I was 10 years older

What if I had had 100 men before you

What if I came back tomorrow

What if I never had told you I'd love you

I know you just want the best for me

I know you think I'm too young and so on...

But why for god's sake

Don't you stop worrying all the time

Stop trying to make it right

Stop caring for me all the time

When the only thing I want

Is you to do what you really want

If you could

Why don't you get yourself straight again

Put your balls together

And be a man ?

Christ, I'm not a baby you little idiot !

yours a.

Dear B.

Not having contact with you feels like...you were dead.

And I go to your grave each day.

And I talk to you in my mind and wonder how you are.

And sometimes I'm crying a little, but not too much as I know you don't want me to be sad.

Or I sing a song for you.

Or I write you postcards which I can't send anywhere.

Even if you leave me, I won't leave you in my thoughts.

I won't forget you.

I'm always there if you need me.

I'll wait for you.

If you feel like it, just give me a call.

yours a.

my ocean,

ich kann nicht schlafen

ich kann nichts tun

außer an dich denken...

also sitze ich hier und schreibe

ich schaue aus dem erinnerungsfenster

ich schaue in ein anderes fenster

zur zukunft

noch ist sie verschwommen

so viele träume

so viele wünsche

dich winken zu sehen

dein lächeln

habe so vieles gelernt zu verstehen

so vieles dass mir die vernunft sagt

meine gefühle bekämpft

den wirbelsturm gedämpft

eine ruhige see

still und gemütlich

wartend

auf die nächsten wellen

das nächste brausen

ps. i love you

Dear B.

Seeing how I am today

And remembering how I was one year ago

I must say I've improved a lot

I've been laughing so much today

I feel like a kid who's waiting for chrissie to come...

I'm giving you a big hug in my mind

Hoping you're having fun too.

Yours a.

ps. only 293 days to go...

Dear B.








It's okay


It's better


To think of you


As a friend


Only my friend








I can't bear it


Loving you


It hurts so much


Because you're not


Here








I'm protecting myself


I hide my love


My friend


But you're saved


In my feelings


In my memories


In my heart








*





I wish


that someday


we can trust each other


again








That we can laugh and talk


without feeling and thinking of


all the pain


anymore








I hope that


with each day


that passes by


and that I'm trying not to contact you


- although it's all I want to do -


the hurt


will disappear


little by little








And that by time


those bad days


will only be memories








I wish


that time


will mend our hearts


and we'll make up again








*





The wall





There's this wall


Between you and me


The wall that was built up


To protect you from me


To protect me from you








I don't need this wall anymore


I don't want it anymore


But I can't get over it


Because you don't want me to








I stand in front of this wall


And cry


I want to break the wall


But I don't know how


Because if I tried you'd only built it stronger








So I cry


And wait for you


To break it down








But I can't anymore


And there's nothing else left for me


Just this wall.








yours a.

Meine liebe Heartflower, danke, dass Du immer für mich da bist!!! Ich bin in Gedanken bei Dir...

Deine Lilly :schmatz:

Sad & mad

You don't care about me

Or maybe you do

But you don't show it

You're thinking I make everything up anyway

Aren't you ?

That I'm just writing and sending you all this

To keep you holding on

But whatfor ???

Why should I do this ?

For fun ?

Why should I invest all my time in such lines

And letters

And books

Invest my money

In all those things

What on earth do you think of me ?

Who's the one who's fooled ?

It's me !

Because I'm here

Where I don't want to be

Where I wouldn't be

If you just had taken your chance on me

I've got no one by my side like you

Because I never had anyone

But I thought you'd be the first one

I've got no new life

I've got my old life

Well if you think I'm just sitting here happily and laughing about you

You're wrong

But you don't want to hear that anymore right ?

What is it ?

What keeps you from contacting me ?

Is it really the other woman ?

Is it really your love for me ?

Is it your pride ?

Is it your fear ?

Your anger ?

Your sadness ?

Your gutlessness ?

Prolly it's all together

You're turning away from me

Leaving me alone

Distance is nothing if you truly love

And I do love you

And I went over to australia

I was at your house when but you weren't there anymore

But when you were here in germany

You never tried to visit me

I had to cope with so many things

Not only with your girlfriend or fiancee or whatever

Because you were too much coward

I hate you

I HATE you

For doing all this to me....

I'm honest to you

I try to understand you

I learn from my faults

I've said sorry so many times

I still believe in you

Still love you

But you

You are just pretending to protect me

By leaving me

Alone ?

How does that work ?!

Don't you see

It's not me who had left you but you ?

I don't know what I should do

To make you see

The truth

I really don't know anymore...

Will you ever turn back to me.